Africa’s Dysfunction: Why the Hell Are We Still Stuck in This Mess?

An unfiltered look at Africa’s leadership failures, systemic rot, and how we can stop blaming colonialism for every damn thing.

Africa’s Dysfunction—The Shitstorm Nobody Wants to Talk About

Let’s face it: if you’re African and reading this, you’ve probably thought at least once, Why the hell is this continent so messed up? And if you haven’t, congratulations on mastering the fine art of denial. Because when you look at the absolute dumpster fire that is the state of governance across most African nations, it’s hard not to feel like the universe—or, more specifically, history—has been flipping us the bird for centuries.

But before you grab your pitchfork and accuse me of being an Uncle Ruckus wannabe, you know, the character from the animated series, The Boondocks, let me make one thing clear: this isn’t some self-loathing, black-man-hating rant. This is a wake-up call. A brutally honest, no-holds-barred look at why Africa’s so-called leaders keep fucking up, why we keep letting them, and why every time someone mentions "potential," it feels more like a punchline than a promise.

So buckle up. This isn’t your average Chinua Achebe-inspired, let’s-save-Africa essay. This is a reality check, and yes, it’s going to sting.

Uncle Ruckus

Independence Came Too Early—And We’ve Been Paying for It Ever Since

Here’s the thing about African independence: it was like giving the keys to a Ferrari to a spoilt, rich teenager who just learned to parallel park. Sure, it’s exciting, but you just know they’re going to crash it. And crash it we did—repeatedly. Most African countries got their independence in the mid-20th century, but let’s be real: we weren’t ready.

Take Nigeria for example, where I come from. The British stitched together hundreds of ethnic groups, slapped on a name, and said, “Here, have a country.” And in 1960, they handed it over like a hot potato. What did we do? We promptly turned on each other like a dysfunctional family fighting over an inheritance. A civil war, countless coups, and decades of corruption later, we’re still wondering why things suck. Spoiler alert: it’s because we had no business running a country that complex without some serious preparation.

Now, before you accuse me of being a colonial apologist, let me clarify: colonialism was a shitshow too. A brutal one, to say the least. But at least under the British, we had functioning railways and some semblance of infrastructure. Now? Most of those railways are rusting, and the only thing that functions consistently is our ability to invent new ways to mismanage resources.

Leadership: A Masterclass in How Not to Govern

There’s a saying that every country gets the leaders it deserves. If that’s true, then what the hell did we do as Nigerians to deserve this? Nigeria, and by extension, Africa has become a breeding ground for leaders who, at best, are clueless and, at worst, are straight-up cartoon villains.

I came across a documentary on Mobutu Sese Seko, the late dictator of Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo) some weeks back and it was just crazy. The guy renamed himself something that translates to “The All-Powerful Warrior Who Goes From Conquest to Conquest.” And what did he conquer? His own people’s wallets! This fucker looted billions while his citizens starved.

Cream your damn pockets.

But what’s crazier is that Mobutu isn’t even some anomaly. He’s the rule, not the exception. Even in so-called democracies like Nigeria, elections are less about policies and more about who can out-bribe or out-manipulate the other. And when these “leaders” finally take office, they treat the national treasury like their personal piggy bank. Roads? Schools? Hospitals? Who needs those when you can buy a private jet and stash millions in a Swiss bank account?

The Resource Curse: When Your Blessing Becomes Your Curse

Here’s the cruel irony of Africa: we’re sitting on some of the richest natural resources in the world, and yet most of us on the continent can’t afford decent healthcare. Nigeria alone makes billions from oil every year, but over 40% of its population lives in poverty. How the hell does that happen? In what world does that even make any sense?

It’s called the “resource curse,” and Africa has been cursed to hell and back. Basically, when a country depends too much on one lucrative resource, it screws up everything else. Instead of investing in industries, education, or innovation, governments focus all their energy on milking that one resource dry. And by “focus,” I mean stealing most of the profits for themselves.

Meanwhile, countries like Norway—also oil-rich—are chilling with their sovereign wealth funds and free healthcare. Why? Because their leaders actually give a damn about their people. Ours? They’re too busy fighting over who gets to drive the Ferrari we keep crashing.

What could have been, NOT the resource curse.

Why Colonialism Isn’t the Only Thing to Blame

It’s tempting to blame all of Africa’s problems on colonialism. After all, the Europeans came, divided up the continent like it was a Christmas turkey, and left us with artificial borders and fractured societies. But here’s the harsh truth: colonialism didn’t make us corrupt. It didn’t make us tribalistic. And it sure as hell didn’t force us to elect leaders who clearly have no idea what they’re doing.

The British left Nigeria in 1960. That’s 64 years ago. How long are we going to keep blaming them for everything? At some point, we need to take responsibility for our own mess. Yes, colonialism set us back, but we’ve had decades to at least try and fix things. Instead, we’ve spent most of that time making things worse.

So, What’s the Solution?

If you’re expecting me to end this with some inspirational, Mandela-esque speech about how Africa will rise again, you’re reading the wrong article. The truth is, there’s no easy fix. But if we’re going to get out of this shitshow, we need to start with accountability—real accountability. That means calling out bad leadership, demanding better governance, and refusing to settle for mediocrity.

It also means rethinking what independence actually means. Maybe independence isn’t just about waving a flag and singing the national anthem. Maybe it’s about building systems that actually work, investing in our people, and learning from countries that have gotten it right.

But let’s not kid ourselves: none of this is going to happen overnight. It’s going to take decades of hard work, tough decisions, and, frankly, a lot of pain. The question is, are we willing to go through that? Or are we just going to keep complaining while our leaders loot us blind?

My Final Thoughts: Stop the Bullshit!

Africa isn’t cursed. We’re not genetically predisposed to fail. But if we don’t get our shit together soon, we might as well be. So, let’s stop pretending that things are fine. They’re not. And let’s stop blaming everyone else for problems we’ve had decades to fix.

The world doesn’t owe us anything. If we want change, we need to make it happen ourselves. Until then, we’ll just keep spinning our wheels in the same old mud, wondering why the hell we’re not moving forward.